Colossians 3:17-18; Ephesians 5:22-24
~16 min read
💭 Consider this: Wives, are there areas where you struggle to submit to your husband’s leadership, and why? How does today’s sermon encourage you in the way you relate to your husband?
TRANSCRIPT
I greet all of you in the blessed name of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Our text for this morning's message is taken from Colossians 3:17-18.
"And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.”
In our previous message, we have learned about living a spirit-filled life, being grounded in the Holy Scriptures, singing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs with grace in our hearts to the Lord.
And this spiritual life must be translated into our words, our actions, our behaviours. Therefore, the Apostle Paul said, "whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus."
This behaviour will inevitably affect our relationships with one another as we live our lives in this temporal world. In every human relationship, there should be mutual acceptance for all men are created equal. However, in this matter of equality, God has ordained order in our relationships.
There is this authority and submission whether between the state and the citizens, the church leadership and the members, husbands and wives, parents and children, masters and servants or today we call it employers and employees.
Without this structured authority and submission, the country will turn into anarchy. The marital relationship will be chaotic, the family will be dysfunctional, and society will be lawless. Just like in the time of the judges where every man did that which was right in his own eyes.
If God has ordained order in our relationships with one another, then we must assume our God-given roles. So from verse 18 to 22, Paul spoke of the relationships between husbands and wives, parents and children, masters and servants. If you notice, in each case he first began with the person who was under authority.
In verse 18, he began with the wives first, then the husbands. In verse 20, the children first, then the parents. And in verse 22, he began with the servants.
The reality is that we cannot live the Christian life faithfully unless we assume our God-given roles. And we cannot assume our God-given roles without first respecting the authority.
Today we will consider this title, ‘God’s Instructions For The Family — The Christian Wife.’
This is a very short verse. “Wives, submit yourselves onto your husbands as it is fit in the Lord”. The word ‘fit’ means proper or the right thing to do.
To help us to better understand this verse, it is worthy for us to consider a similar passage in Ephesians 5:22-24. Allow me to read for you.
Ephesians 5:22. “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
I. The Command
Firstly, we want to consider the command and then we will consider the encouragement. “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord.”
The world has many different opinions about marriage. Some people look at marriage as something that you endure in order to get something out of the relationship, whether it be sexual, emotional, or physical.
If the husband or the wife finally realises that nothing can be drawn out of the marriage, then it is time to call it quits. Others look at marriage as destined for troubles and problems. So they do not want to get married just to stay together. ‘If you are happy and I'm happy, we can stay together. If not, let us separate and move on. No commitments.’
Yet others look at marriage like a competition. Men versus woman and woman versus men. There's always this struggle for power. One of the most devastating movements in our time that advocates this kind of thinking is the feminist movement. It is not only changing the world, sadly, it is also changing the church.
Church leaders and pastors have slowly given into the pressure. But the saddest thing is that most people have no idea where it comes from. Many think of this as a group of women who want some liberation or freedom, equal jobs, equal salaries, equal opportunities, and they just want to express themselves.
There is essentially nothing sinful about that. But that is only the outward component. The real feminist agenda is frightening because it is satanic.
One prominent leader of the feminist movement said this. ‘Since marriage constitutes slavery for women, it is clear that we, those who advocate the feminist movement, must concentrate on attacking this institution. Freedom for women cannot be achieved without the abolition of marriage.’
And then she went on to make a most immoral statement. ‘Every woman must be willing to be recognised as a lesbian to be fully feminine.’
Fundamentally this movement has attacked both God and His word which is the sole authority of our faith and our lives and it is seeking to destroy the institution of marriage. This is how Satan has always tried to destroy God's design for the people. And he knows that when he attacks the family, it would do the greatest damage.
This is not some kind of 21st century phenomenon. It is not new. In fact, it is very very old. It already started in the Garden of Eden when Eve was tempted to eat the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.
She became the first woman to step out from under Adam's authority because she thought she could act independently. And the rest is history. We know how the entire human race fell into sin. Ever since then, the battle was engaged. Woman versus men.
Today we are living in a time whereby the marriage and the family have been so viciously attacked like never before with so many humanistic opinions. Who do we turn to? Where do we turn to for the ultimate answer? Well, as Christians, we turn to the Almighty God and His word.
Young people, when you face problems in your marriage lives, who do you turn to? Do you turn to some secular marriage therapist or counselling books? Or do you turn to God and His word?
Parents, how do you counsel your children in matters pertaining to marriage? How to choose the right life partner? How to resolve marital issues? Do you rely on your 30-40 years of marriage experiences or what your dads and moms have told you? Or do you turn to God and His word?
Let us humble ourselves and turn to the Almighty God who instituted marriage at the beginning. The reason why we face so many problems in our marriages is because people have forgotten God's guidelines for marriage.
When you buy a car and you disregard the manufacturer's instructions in the maintenance of the car, what will happen? The car will eventually break down. Right? Likewise, when we disregard the One who instituted marriage and disobey His guidelines, we also will suffer marriage breakdowns.
To begin, we first must understand that marriage was God's idea. And it is a good idea. It is a good idea because it comes from God who never had a bad idea.
In the beginning, God created the world and He said everything was good. All His creations were good. But there was something in His creation that was not good. In God's judgment when He saw man in his loneliness He said it is not good that the man be alone. I will make him a helpmeet for him.
So God created Eve out of Adam's ribs. And then He said, " Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." (Genesis 2:24).
Marriage is good. It is a grace of life that God has blessed mankind. But this grace of life comes with certain guidelines. The wife is not supposed to usurp the authority of her husband but to be his helper. And here verse 18 says, "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as [it is fit in] the Lord."
It does not mean that the husband is better than the wife or the wife is less than the husband. But God has chosen the man to be the leader. It is by His design. It is His order. It is His will and His plan.
1 Corinthians 11:8-9 said, "For the man is not of the woman: but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.”
What does it mean to be submissive? Firstly, let us consider what it does not mean. To submit yourselves unto your own husbands does not mean obedience like a child obeying her parents.
The wife is not to submit as if she's like a child. In fact, 1 Peter 3:7 tells us that husbands are to give honour onto their wives as unto the weaker vessel and as being as of the grace of life. In other words, the husband must consider his wife not as a child but as a fellow recipient of all the spiritual blessings they share in the marriage.
To submit yourselves onto your own husbands does not mean you lose your own personality, identity or uniqueness. Some people think that by submission the wife is to be in absolute silence standing behind a husband with no thoughts of her own, no opinions, no contributions and no expressions. That is not the case.
Galatians 3:28 said, " There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus."
In the eyes of God, we are all equal. To submit does not mean you keep quiet and close an eye to your husband's weaknesses and sins. Remember, you are to be a helper to him. And that means you must be loving enough that when there's a sin in his life, you are to come alongside him and help him deal with it.
Most of the time you are the person who will hold him accountable. Husbands, do you realise that the most intimate and best accountable relationship you can ever have in this world is the wife of your marriage. The person who lives with you every day. The person who knows your every activity, your wife, she can and she must hold you accountable.
So what does it mean to be in submission? The word submit is a military term meaning to rank under or to be in subjection to know your God-given role with respect to your husband’s leadership and you joyfully support his leadership not grudgingly.
In 1 Peter 3:6, the Bible said, "Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord."
The original Greek word for obey is to listen to, to attend to, or to hear. The wife is to come under the leadership of her husband in the sense she listens to him. She attends to him. She hears him and she supports him in his leadership.
Your husband is to be the leader in the family and he has an awesome responsibility to carry out his duties. You are not a spectator. You are not a critic but you are a helper to him as he leads.
Man was created before women. Even before the woman was created, man already had a leadership function over God's creation. God brought all the animals to Adam so he could give them names.
We speak of his leadership, his authority over that which God had created. And who was the one who gave Eve her name? Adam did.
Genesis 2:23 said, "And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man."
Genesis 3:20, "And Adam called his wife's name Eve; because she was the mother of all living."
Some women may argue, ‘Why must I be forced to submit to my own husband?’ This submission must come out of a willing heart, a heart that desires to obey God.
To all our young and not so young single women, if you are unwilling to submit, do not get married. No one should force you to get married. No woman needs to accept the proposal of any man. However, if you are willing to accept that proposal and enter into a marriage covenant, then you must be willing to submit to his headship and promise to submit to him.
No husband will want a wife who bosses him around. He wants a wife who looks up to him, respects his judgment, and responds to his leadership. If he does not get that from his wife, he will be discouraged and his leadership will be hindered.
Wives, before you complain about your husband's inability to lead, ask yourself this simple question. What have I done to be a helper to my husband that he may lead the family?
The command to submit to your own husband is very clear. It is not simply that the submission to your husband is a virtue, but rather not submitting to him is a sin.
When a wife says, ‘I submit to my own husband,’ we will not find this strange, right? We will not say ‘I didn't know you can do that’ but rather we will say ‘that is proper and good, that is the right thing to do’. But when a wife says, ‘I do not want to submit to my own husband anymore,’ we know right away that something is terribly wrong.
To all our sisters here, do you recognise the leadership role of your husband in the family? Do you rejoice when you assume that responsibility to submit to him? Or are you always seeking to usurp his authority? Are you always seeking to defy his leadership so much so that the children are confused who is actually the head of the family?
Do not be like those people who say, ‘Yes, my husband is the head of my family, but I'm the neck, and it is the neck that moves the head.’ God forbid. We must never do that.
II. The Encouragement.
Our second point is: The Encouragement.
Look at verses 23 and 24. “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.”
Notice the little phrase at the end of verse 22, “as unto the Lord”. Everything the wife does is in obedience to the Lord and for His glory.
Sometimes it can be very difficult for wives, very discouraging because some husbands can be unthankful, inconsiderate, insensitive even though the wife lovingly submits to him. But the spirit-filled wife, the godly wife submits anyway because she knows it is the Lord's command. It is God's will. It is God's design. It is His order and it is for His glory.
A wife who rightly submits to the authority of her own husband also submits to the Lord. The opposite is also true. A wife who does not submit to her own husband does not submit to the Lord.
Verse 23, ”For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church.”
In a physical body, the head gives direction and the body responds. There's only one kind of physical body that does not respond to the head and that is a handicapped body.
The church is known as the body of Christ. And who is the head? Jesus Christ. He is the Saviour of the body. The body of believers. That is why every one of us in the church must lovingly submit to the headship of Christ.
Can you imagine if everyone in the church does what he or she likes? The word of God says this and we do the exact opposite. The church will have a real spiritual problem.
Likewise, a wife who does not rightly respond to the husband's leadership, she also has a serious spiritual problem. Again, some people may say, ‘Well, I have not been submissive to my own husband, but look at my marriage. It is still surviving, if not flourishing.’
By the grace of God, maybe your marriage has survived, but your children are watching. Your daughter will walk into her marriage following your example thinking that she doesn't need to submit to her own husband. And your son will walk into his marriage following your example thinking that he doesn't need to lead his own family.
You may be spared, but the next generation may face serious consequences. Do not play the fool with God and do not reject His wisdom.
On the other hand, a wife who willingly and lovingly submits to her husband's leadership as unto the Lord will be an honour to God. She will be a wonderful testimony to her husband, to her children, to her family, her extended family, the church, and the world around her.
Verse 24, “Therefore, as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.” In every thing means everything as in the law. Everything that is not contrary to God and His word.
The supreme example of submission is Jesus Christ Himself. Wives, do you struggle with submission? If you struggle, look to the cross and consider how the Lord Jesus Christ demonstrated the supreme act of submission when He came into this world. When He died on the cross, shedding His precious blood. When He was buried and then He rose again from the dead on the third day.
Why did Jesus do that? Why must Jesus go through that? Jesus loves us so much that He was willing to submit Himself even onto death. On the cross when Jesus died, He showed the husband the perfect example of what it means to love the church, what it means to be the provider, the protector, and the head of the church. And He wants every husband to love his wife, to be the provider, the protector, and the leader as He has demonstrated to us.
Husbands, do you struggle with getting your wives to submit to your leadership? Perhaps it is because you have not loved her enough. You have not provided, protected, and led her in the way Jesus has taught you.
The command for husbands and wives to love one another is agape love. It is the purest form of love. It is sacrificial and unconditional. It is to be willing to give of oneself just as Jesus gave of Himself. Jesus did not just give certain things or give up certain things. He gave of Himself. And this is a wonderful lesson about submission.
No woman will have much trouble submitting to a man who loves her like that. A man who is willing to die for her, willing to give himself for her. How much more a good Christian wife who loves the Lord?
Husbands, if you love your wives with this sacrificial love, there will be no struggle in her submitting to you. This is the wisdom of God. If you and I want a blessed, godly and happy family, follow the word of God and we will never go wrong.
In our last prayer meeting, I shared about this agape love in marriage. Romantic and emotional love between a husband and a wife is not that which sustains a marriage. Somewhere along the course of marriage, this emotion, this romantic love may disappear altogether.
The love that God commands husbands and wives to love one another is not romantic love but agape love. The purest form, a sacrificial and unconditional love. A love that is willing to love regardless of emotions, attractions, or whether it is deserving or not.
Romantic love will enhance and beautify our marital relationships. But this agape love is the driving force that binds our Christian marriage. It is a love that gives rather than receives. Even when you stop to receive, you still continue to give. This is agape love.
By way of testimony, I have never been romantic in the true sense of the word and I'm not a person who easily express my emotions openly. I cannot remember ever giving my wife flowers whether before or after marriage.
I'm not saying this is the right thing to do, but this is just who I am. I'm a very practical person. I would rather give chocolates than flowers because at least you can eat chocolates.
This year, my wife and I will be celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary. And I dare say that my wife loves me as much as she loved me when we first got married, if not more. And likewise, I love her even more than before.
What kind of love is this? It is this agape love. A sacrificial and unconditional love that God who has loved us has shed abroad in our hearts to love one another till death do us part.
Dear friend, marriage need not be a misery. It can be a joy and blessing. And it should be if we humble ourselves and look to the one who instituted marriage at the very beginning and lovingly gave us His instructions.
Wives, love your own husbands as unto the Lord. Follow His instructions and we will never go wrong. We will have a happy family. Let us pray.
Our Father in heaven, we give You thanks for enabling us to have the opportunity to consider this portion of Scriptures. And as we embark on this topic of Thy instructions for a happy family, we first consider the one who was placed under the authority and it is by Thy design, Thy order, Thy will and Thy plan, the Christian wife.
And we pray that our women, the wives in our midst, will love their own husbands as unto the Lord, and that they will have this willingness to submit to their own husbands, for it is faith in the Lord. It is the right thing to do and it is the key to a happy family.
This is the wisdom of Thee and we want to obey Thy word. So grant us much understanding not only today even as we proceed moving forward to learn of the other relationships in our lives that we would understand Thy instructions for a happy family.
And truly we believe by obeying Thy word and through Thy grace and mercy we will have a happy family. We give Thee thanks and we pray all this in Jesus name. Amen.
THE BOOK OF EPHESIANSAll Spiritual BlessingsAll Spiritual BlessingsEphesians 1:1-7
The Exceeding Greatness of His PowerThe Exceeding Greatness of His PowerEphesians 1:20-23
God’s WorkmanshipGod’s WorkmanshipEphesians 2:1-10
Message 1: Hindrances to a Personal Relationship with God (Part 1)Message 1: Hindrances to a Personal Relationship with God (Part 1)Ephesians 2:1-10
Message 1: The Nature of FaithMessage 1: The Nature of FaithEphesians 2:8, Hebrews 11:1
Message 2: Hindrances to a Personal Relationship with God (Part 2)Message 2: Hindrances to a Personal Relationship with God (Part 2)Ephesians 2:11-18
Reconciliation with GodReconciliation with GodEphesians 2:11-18
One Body, One Spirit, One BuildingOne Body, One Spirit, One BuildingEphesians 2:11-22
Unity Of The Church — Members Of The Household Of GodUnity Of The Church — Members Of The Household Of GodEphesians 2:18-19
The Amazing Prospect And Awesome Responsibility Of Being A ChristianThe Amazing Prospect And Awesome Responsibility Of Being A ChristianEphesians 2:19-22
God Is AbleGod Is AbleEphesians 3:20-21
Walking Worthy — In UnityWalking Worthy — In UnityEphesians 4:1-6
Walk Not as the GentilesWalk Not as the GentilesEphesians 4:17-24
A Walk to RememberA Walk to RememberEphesians 4:17-32
Be Ye Followers Of GodBe Ye Followers Of GodEphesians 5:1-2
Be Careful How You LiveBe Careful How You LiveEphesians 5:15-17
God’s Instructions For The Family: The Christian WifeGod’s Instructions For The Family: The Christian WifeColossians 3:17-18; Ephesians 5:22-24
Message 6: What is a healthy and strong marriage? One that obeys God’s model!Message 6: What is a healthy and strong marriage? One that obeys God’s model!Genesis 2:24, Ephesians 5:22-33
God’s Instructions For The Family: The Christian HusbandGod’s Instructions For The Family: The Christian HusbandColossians 3:19; Ephesians 5:25-33
Honour and Obey Thy ParentsHonour and Obey Thy ParentsDeuteronomy 5:16; Ephesians 6:1-3
Message 7: What are children for? Heritage of godly seed for Christ!Message 7: What are children for? Heritage of godly seed for Christ!Psalm 127:3, Malachi 2:15, Ephesians 6:4
Be PrayerfulBe PrayerfulEphesians 6:18
