Colossians 3:20; Ephesians 6:1-3
~19 min read
SERMON OUTLINE
TRANSCRIPT
For the past weeks, we have been considering this topic, God’s instructions for the family. So far, we have dealt with the Christian husbands and wives. This morning, we will be focusing on God’s instructions for the Christian children.
God has ordained order in our relationships with one another as we live our lives in this temporal world. There is this authority and submission between the state and the citizens, between masters and slaves, within the family. There’s also this authority and submission between husbands and wives, parents and children. What we need to do is to assume our God-given responsibilities and roles.
The relationship between the parents and children is extremely important because this is the first relationship that the child is aware of when he or she enters into this world. But because of sin that affects the entire human race, perhaps this is also the first commandment in the law of God to be broken at a very young age, even the youngest children.
If a child has no regards for parental authority, if he has never been taught how to honour his parents, surely he would have no regards for the church nor the state. Augustine once said, “If anyone fails to honour his parents, is there anyone he will spare?” Most certainly not.
A study was done on criminals who disregard the laws of a particular state and landed themselves in prisons, and they found out that they all began by first disregarding their parental authorities. They have no regards for their parents.
As we consider Colossians 3:20, “Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord”, it is good for us to focus on Ephesians 6:1–3, which is in fact an extension of this verse. Allow me to read for you: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise)” (Ephesians 6:1–2).
The word “well pleasing” means acceptable. And the word “right” means it is the right thing to do since it is a divine law given by God. And if we were to obey this divine law, then it would be well pleasing to God. In other words, these two words were connected. It is right and it is also well pleasing to God.
I. The Command
Beginning with verse one: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” Who is being commanded here? Children. The word “children” does not only refers to children in infancy or young ones. It is a reference to offsprings. In other words, to those who are teenagers, those who are in high schools, those who are still living with their parents, not married yet, and even those who are much older with elderly parents—the offsprings, the children—they are to obey and honour their parents.
So this commandment is twofold: obedience and honour. What does it mean to obey our parents? It means to hear and to take heed. The idea is that I’m going to listen to my parents because I realise that I am placed in a God-given position. This is where God has placed me into. This is my family. These are my parents. And I’m going to listen to my father. I’m going to listen to my mother. And I’m going to love, obey, and honour them because it is the almighty God Himself who has placed me into this home.
So children are to listen to their parents’ instructions, listen to their words, listen to their commands, and even to their wishes and desires, in the Lord. We are to obey our parents in the Lord. This is our motivation. When we obey our parents, we know that it is because God has given them to us, and we first belong to God, and whatever God says, we listen. So we obey in the Lord.
Now, “in the Lord” also sets the limits of our obedience. Even children must know that. They do not obey human authority that are contrary to God and His word. We are not talking about matters of preferences. We are talking about things contrary to God and His word.
For example, if you were told by your parents that you are not to be a Christian, not to believe in Jesus Christ, not to talk about Him, disobey Him, or to do wicked deeds, then we ought to obey God first, because it must be in the Lord.
Today, we live in a society whereby people are always defending their rights. We hear of so many rights: the rights to life, the rights to liberty, the pursuit of happiness. Husbands, wives, parents, children try to emphasise their own rights. That is why we have so many movements about rights—minority rights, women rights, children’s rights, human rights, and even animal rights.
There seems to be no end to the rights that people would fight for. But the law of God gives us an entirely different perspective about rights. Instead of rights, the word of God gives us responsibilities and duties. Your duty and my duty is to obey the authority set over us.
II. The Scope
What is the scope of our obedience? Colossians 3:20 says, “Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord”. So if your parents are not asking you to disobey or violate God’s word or to perform evil deeds, then you are to obey them. It doesn’t matter how old you are. You may be 18, 21, 30, or 50 years old. You are to obey them and honour them. And how far should our obedience go? The Bible says, in all things. In other words, in all areas of your life, this obedience for your parents has to be reflected in your life.
Allow me to give you a classic example of our Lord Jesus Christ Himself. The Bible tells us in the Gospel of Luke 2:51–52, “And he went down with them” - His parents - “and came to Nazareth, and was subject unto them” - which means He was submissive to them. And Jesus’ mother, who was Mary, - “kept all these sayings in her heart. And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man.”
Take a moment and consider this. Here was the Son of God who was always perfect, 100% God and 100% man, yet He willingly submitted Himself. And notice how He increased in wisdom and stature and in favour with God and men.
Dear friend, you obey your parents because they have an awesome responsibility in how you ought to grow intellectually, physically, socially, and most importantly spiritually. That is a responsibility of every parent.
When it comes to matters like education, your parents have a voice in what you do. You need to hear them. You need to take their instructions. You need to pay attention to what they say about your schoolwork. Are you obeying your parents?
When it comes to your physical health, your parents have a responsibility too. They are the ones who will tell you there’s a certain time you need to go to bed at night, how you ought to live, what you ought to eat. When you go out with your friends, there’s a certain time you need to come back home. Are you listening to your parents?
Your parents have to take care of your social life too. They have a say in the kinds of friends you associate with, the places you go to, the people you mix with, and the things you do. Are your friends godly? They have a right to know.
It may be a strange emphasis, especially in a Western country like Australia, but your parents have a voice when it comes to your marriage. In a holy matrimony it is the duty of the pastor to ask this question: Who gives this woman to be married to this man? Often times, it will be the father. In some situations, in the absence of the father, it will be the mother who raise up the hand and say, “I will.”
In other words, I have brought up my child according to God’s purposes and His commandments, and now I’m ready to hand over my child to this man. If your parents have to raise up his or her hand to say, “I will,” does he or she not have a right to have a voice when it comes to your marriage and who you are to marry? Most certainly.
Most importantly, your parents have a responsibility in the way you grow spiritually. If they are Christians, they will be pleading with God that at the earliest possible time, you will come to know the Lord Jesus Christ as your personal Saviour.
I remember the testimony of Charles Spurgeon. He once said that as a little child, his mother would carry him and then sit him on her laps, and she would be praying and weeping, pleading with God for his salvation. All he felt were just tears coming down on him, until later on in his life he realised that his mother was always praying for his salvation.
So your parents will be concerned about you attending Sunday school, about you having your own quiet time, having your own Bible study, growing in the knowledge of Christ, and becoming more and more godly and prayerful.
Your parents have a right and responsibility to all these things. But when you do not understand their love for you, their duties and responsibilities and authority over you, that is when you tend to feel that they are intruding into your life. You will feel that, well, this is my private life. Why are you intruding into my private life? Then you begin to despise and dishonour them.
So there is this command, and there’s also this scope, which sets the limit—the limit as in it must be in accordance to God and His word.
III. The Promise
Finally, there is this promise. Now, this is the promise where we find in the first commandment of the second set of the Ten Commandments: “Honour thy father and thy mother”. Which is the first commandment with promise. Not the first commandment as in the first of the Ten Commandments, but the first of the second set of the Ten Commandments that comes with a promise.
Maybe you can turn with me to this passage in Exodus 20:12, allow me to read for you: “Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.” So this was the promise that came with God’s assurance. If you honour your father and your mother, then your days may be long upon the land.
Now, the word “honour” in Hebrew means something weighty, heavy. In the Old Testament, this word is often used to refer to God. God is worthy of our worship and honour. He’s weighty. He’s worth all the weight. That is what it means.
And I agree with the late Reverend Timothy To who said that our parents are God’s earthly representatives. So just as we call God our heavenly Father, we call our parents my father. So we must give the same weight, the honour that is due to them.
We must recognise that God has blessed us with our parents, and we must value them, respect them, love them. And please do not think that you have given too much weight, too much respect, too much value to your parents, but rather we have always fallen short.
When we grow older, we get married and have our own families. We may outgrow the call to obey our parents, but we will never outgrow our obligation to honour our parents. Today, we are living in a culture and society that honouring of parents is fast degrading. Many aged parents are put aside, neglected, disrespected, and forgotten. How sad.
There was a woman who was living with her father-in-law, and she was feeding him at a table, and he kept spilling the food all over himself and all over the place. Finally, she yelled at her husband that he had to create a room in the corner, and that is for the old man. And they fed him there at the back door, so when he made a mess, it would not be a hassle.
So they created a wooden bowl for him with wooden spoons. This continued for some months. Then one day, the mother saw their little child messing with little pieces of wood, and she asked him, “What are you doing?” And the little boy said, “Oh, I’m making a bowl for you and daddy, so that when you are old enough, you will be able to sit in the corner like grandfather.” Of course, the woman’s heart was broken, and the grandfather was brought back to the table.
The way we treat our parents will be a reflection of the way how our children will treat us one day.
This commandment comes with a promise: “That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth” (Ephesians 6:3). Now, this is not an automatic guarantee that children who obey their parents will live up to 90 years old. It does not mean that honouring your parents is like a life insurance policy and your life will be extended if you honour your parents. Nor does it mean that someone who dies young is guilty of dishonouring his or her parents.
For reasons unknown of His greater glory God sometimes allows a young person to die, even if he or she almost always was obedient to his or her parents. We live as long as God determines for His purpose and for His glory—not a day longer, not a day shorter. But this promise still stands. Whoever honours his parents receives the gift of life.
So how can we apply this promise that “thou mayest live long on the earth” into our lives? Well, there are three dimensions to this answer.
Firstly, there is the physical dimension. When we obey the authority that God has ordained over us, as in our parents, they are the ones responsible to keep us safe from the many sins that will affect our lives. Disobedience to godly parents will lead to an undisciplined life.
For example, a godly father will warn his son against the evil of drug taking, drinking alcohol, smoking, violence, sexual immorality, and all sorts of other sins. If he disobeys the godly counsels of his father, he would have to face all kinds of harmful threats and habits that would threaten his life. That is the reason why we read in the news of young people dying in the streets.
But even if a child disobeys and dishonours his parents and yet he lives on and on, even up to a 100 years, is it good for him? If he continues to live in sin and wickedness, the Bible says it may not be well with thee.
So there’s this physical dimension.
Secondly, there is the spiritual dimension.
When the Bible talks about living long on the earth, it is not simply talking about the physical age of the person, but the fullness of God’s blessings. Our days on this earth will be a foretaste of the abundant life that our Jesus promises: “And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand” (John 10:28).
So there’s the physical and spiritual dimension, and there’s also the covenant dimension.
This promise has special meaning for the nation of Israel because of God’s covenantal promise. Remember, they had just been brought out of Egypt, the land of slavery, and they were about to enter into the promised land. And God promised them that it will be a new and better country.
One way to ensure that they were a covenantal people of God living in the promised land was to honour their fathers and mothers. Why? Because the family is the very fabric of society. When this fabric is torn, the society or the entire nation of Israel will be broken. It will be torn apart. So God gave them this promise: protect your family, protect this fabric, otherwise the entire nation would fall.
As a preacher, I have to always be prepared to preach at any time, be instant in and out of season. Especially the gospel message, we have to be ready to give an answer of the faith that we believe in. But there’s one message I must always be ready to preach, not a wedding message, because no two persons will come to me all of a sudden and say, “Pastor, tomorrow we want to get married.” Even if they want to get married, they still have to go through the pre-marital counselling. It is not a Christmas message. It is not a Good Friday message. But it is a funeral message. Life is like a vapour. It appeareth for a little time and then vanishes away.
Dear friends, we know this verse very well. But try to apply this verse into the life of your parents. If your parents have only another five years with you, that is all the time you have with your parents. Five years. Five years to spend with them. And then you give a call to the pastor and there will be the funeral service. Five years is a short time. It could even be one week or one month. Our days are like a vapour. It appear for a little time and then vanishes away.
How then should we obey and honour our parents? How then should we obey and honor our parents for their sacrificial love for us?
Again, a story was told of a mother and her young son, Michael, age 8 years old. One morning during breakfast, the mother found a note under her plate. It was a bill written by her young son, Michael. The bill goes something like this:
For running errands, you owe me 25 cents.
For good behaviour, you owe me 10 cents.
For taking music lessons, you owe me 15 cents.
For doing the extra work, you owe me 5 cents.
The total bill is 55 cents.
The mother smiled at her son, made no comment. Later at lunch, under his plate, Michael received an envelope with 55 cents. But there was also a bill written by the mother, and the bill said: “Mummy has stayed up all night to nurse Michael whenever he was sick. Mother brought Michael to school daily. Mother provided for him daily meals, giving him clothes, shoes, and toys.” The total bill Michael owes mummy is nothing.
Sadly, today, rebelling against parents has become a common sin. In one of the teenage magazines, one girl was asked, “Do you really hate your parents?” Her response was like, “Who doesn’t?” In other words, which teenager doesn’t hate his or her parents?
Most people assume that breaking the fifth commandment or dishonouring their parents is but a small thing. It is just part of growing up. But do you know that God considers dishonouring your parents as one of the most horrendous sins in the Holy Scriptures?
Some of the most frightening curses in the Old Testament were reserved for children who dishonoured their parents. Just to give you two examples.
Leviticus 20:9 says, “For every one that curseth his father or his mother shall be surely put to death: he hath cursed his father or his mother; his blood shall be upon him”.
Deuteronomy 21:18–21, “If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them: Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place… And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear.”
In the New Testament, disobedience to parents is listed as one of the signs that we are living in the last of the last days. So we are not surprised to see people dishonouring, disrespecting, neglecting their parents because they are but one of the signs of the last of the last days.
To obey and honour our parents can take many forms, but it must always begin in the heart. Just like all the other commandments, it must come from our hearts and minds. So it is not just an external observation or an external compliance to God’s laws, but we truly love our parents with our hearts, honour and obey them.
We recognise that our parents are God’s gifts to us, not by chance or coincidence, but for our good to equip us for life and for our faith. So it is our duty to obey and honor our parents who has spent their entire lifetime raising us up, providing for our needs and loving us.
This honour begins with gratitude in our hearts. Stop and consider this for a moment. How your parents lives revolve around you. How much they have done for you. Think about the pains and sacrifices they have made for your education, for your comfort, for your security, for your well-being physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
Some parents migrated here to Australia not because of themselves, but for the future of their children. Our parents deserve to be honoured for the many sacrifices they made on behalf of their children.
Most of you know that recently I visited my father who is now severely demented and bedridden. He cannot even remember me, nor my name. On several occasions, when he can remember me, the first thing he will ask me is, “How are you doing? How is your wife? How are your children?” So always about me.
He was on a 24-hour watch. So I was tasked to feed him. He refused to open his mouth, so very difficult for me to put the food into his mouth. Then I noticed something very amazing. Every time when the food was placed in front of him, he would push it toward me. So I said to him, “You want me to eat first?” Then he nodded. I said, “Okay.” I took a mouthful. I said, “Now it’s your turn.” And he took a mouthful. I took another mouthful and I said, “Now it’s your turn.” He took another mouthful and he finished the food.
Now, the point I was making is that our parents always have our welfare on their minds. It’s always about us. You eat first, you eat, then I eat. No matter how old we are, we will always be a child in the eyes of our parents.
Parents deserve to be listened to because of their wealth of experiences in life. So we must honour them by listening to them, obeying their counsels and instructions. We must realise that they are much more experienced and wiser than us. Even when we are adults and we make decisions of our own, we still take into considerations what they say. We may not agree with them all the time. Sometimes they may be wrong, but we must respectfully disagree and never be disrespectful.
Do not despise your parents’ counsels as naggings. Some children will say, “I hate my parents because they are always nagging at me.” One day those naggings will stop because one day your parents will have to leave you. And when that nagging stops, then you realise that the silence is unbearable.
You know I learned this valuable lesson when I was at the age of 13. My mother used to nag at me. I was very mischievous. I know she meant well for me, but I always ignored her advice and I considered them as naggings until one day she passed away because of heart attack and the nagging stops. I can no longer hear her voice. It will happen to us one day.
So as children, do not take for granted that your parents will always be with you. So you must always speak respectfully to them and also speak respectfully about them. Never speak anything bad about them. Do not do that. Honour them. Spend time with them. Be eager to maintain a good relationship with them. Communicate with them. And the best thing you can do to your unbelieving parents is to share the message of the gospel, no matter how inconvenient it is or how difficult it is.
You know every day I used to see children running around. I’m very amazed with those parents who are able to carry one child in one arm and then with the other hand holding another child. I used to say this to our brother James Chen, who is now in Singapore. He would hold two children in his arms and then the third one tagging at his pants. So I said, “You can handle three children. How amazing, so wonderful.” But you know, there’s something even more heartwarming than this, and that is when those children become adults and they hold the hands of their parents. That is most heartwarming.
Proverbs 23:22 says, “Hearken unto thy father that begat thee, and despise not thy mother when she is old”. In other words, even if their minds should fail, show them love and honour. Do not despise them in their weakness and in their poor health. They are your parents.
Some of us have parents who suffer from dementia. It’s a terrible sickness. When my sister said to me, “Aren’t you not sad that dad cannot remember you?” My response was that of course I’m sad, but my comfort is this, that I remember him.
The Bible was written thousands of years ago. It is a timeless book. It is God’s wisdom for you and me. No human philosophy can ever replace the wisdom of the Almighty God. You want a blessed, happy family, then obey God’s instruction. God says, ‘Honour and obey your father and your mother, for this is well pleasing and right in the Lord.’
So you either obey God and be blessed, or you disobey him and face the consequences. So may the Lord help us that not only us who are adults, but including our children, that they will grow up to be Christian children who honour their parents in the Lord to the glory of God.
Let us pray.
Father in heaven, we give Thee thanks for this opportunity for us to consider Thy instructions for us as children of Thee. Some of us have parents who have passed away, but we still have blessed memories of them, how they love us so sacrificially and unconditionally. Others have parents who are still with us. Some may be physically with us, others may not be. We can only pray for them.
But Thou has taught us that we must always honour our father and our mother, for this is well pleasing unto Thee. This is Thy divine law. This is Thy commandment, and it comes with a promise, with a physical, spiritual, and covenantal dimension. And as Thy covenantal children, we want to obey Thee.
So we pray that whatever disagreements we may have with our parents, we love them. They are Thy gifts for us, and we want to spend time with them. We want to help them, especially when they are old, weak, and frail.
So grant to us this understanding that not only we know this important commandment, but we are able to put into practice what we have learned.
We pray all this in Jesus’ name. Amen.
THE BOOK OF COLOSSIANSA Faith And Love That ShinesA Faith And Love That ShinesColossians 1:1-4
The Blessedness Of Our Christian HopeThe Blessedness Of Our Christian HopeColossians 1:5-6a
The Transforming Power Of The GospelThe Transforming Power Of The GospelColossians 1:6b-8
The Need For PrayersThe Need For PrayersColossians 1:9
Prayer for Spiritual ExcellencePrayer for Spiritual ExcellenceColossians 1:9-12
Walk Worthy Of The LordWalk Worthy Of The LordColossians 1:10-11
What Does It Mean To Call God Our Father?What Does It Mean To Call God Our Father?Colossians 1:12a
What Does It Mean To Be Citizens Of God’s Kingdom?What Does It Mean To Be Citizens Of God’s Kingdom?Colossians 1:12b-13
I Am Redeemed And ForgivenI Am Redeemed And ForgivenColossians 1:14
Christ, The Invisible GodChrist, The Invisible GodColossians 1:15
Jesus Our Creator Loves Me, This I KnowJesus Our Creator Loves Me, This I KnowColossians 1:16-17; Romans 8:37-39
What Is Christ’s Relationship With The Church?What Is Christ’s Relationship With The Church?Colossians 1:18
What Does It Mean To Be Reconciled To God?What Does It Mean To Be Reconciled To God?Colossians 1:19-22
The Evidence Of Our SalvationThe Evidence Of Our SalvationColossians 1:23a
Are We Willing To Suffer For Christ?Are We Willing To Suffer For Christ?Colossians 1:23b-24
How Faithful Are We?How Faithful Are We?Colossians 1:25-27
What Does It Take To Be Faithful In The Ministry?What Does It Take To Be Faithful In The Ministry?Colossians 1:28-29
The Indispensable Component In Serving GodThe Indispensable Component In Serving GodColossians 2:1-2a
This Is What I Wish For You To Have And To BeThis Is What I Wish For You To Have And To BeColossians 2:2b-5
Message 3: What is Christ to you? My Covenantal Head!Message 3: What is Christ to you? My Covenantal Head!Colossians 2:4-9, 19
The Evidence Of Our SalvationThe Evidence Of Our SalvationColossians 2:6-7
Message 4: What is a healthy and sound church? My Covenantal Haven!Message 4: What is a healthy and sound church? My Covenantal Haven!Colossians 2:7
Our Spiritual Union With ChristOur Spiritual Union With ChristColossians 2:11-12
Message 2: What is Church to you? My Covenantal Family!Message 2: What is Church to you? My Covenantal Family!Exodus 12:48-49, Colossians 2:11-12
What It Means To Be ForgivenWhat It Means To Be ForgivenColossians 2:13-14
Faith In Christ Is The VictoryFaith In Christ Is The VictoryColossians 2:15
The Danger Of Being LegalisticThe Danger Of Being LegalisticColossians 2:16-17
The Danger Of Spiritual DeceptionThe Danger Of Spiritual DeceptionColossians 2:18-19
The Vanity Of Self-Denial To Achieve SpiritualityThe Vanity Of Self-Denial To Achieve SpiritualityColossians 2:20-23
Seek Those Things Which Are AboveSeek Those Things Which Are AboveColossians 3:1-2
What Does It Mean To Be In Christ?What Does It Mean To Be In Christ?Colossians 3:3-4
Mortification Of SinMortification Of SinColossians 3:5-7
Put Off All These ThingsPut Off All These ThingsColossians 3:8-9
Put On The New ManPut On The New ManColossians 3:10-11
Recipes For A God-Honouring ChurchRecipes For A God-Honouring ChurchColossians 3:12
Lessons About Forbearance And ForgivenessLessons About Forbearance And ForgivenessColossians 3:13
United In Love And Ruled By God’s PeaceUnited In Love And Ruled By God’s PeaceColossians 3:14-15
Filled With The Spirit In Word And SongsFilled With The Spirit In Word And SongsColossians 3:16
God’s Instructions For The Family: The Christian WifeGod’s Instructions For The Family: The Christian WifeColossians 3:17-18; Ephesians 5:22-24
God’s Instructions For The Family: The Christian HusbandGod’s Instructions For The Family: The Christian HusbandColossians 3:19; Ephesians 5:25-33
God’s Instructions For The Family: The Christian ChildrenGod’s Instructions For The Family: The Christian ChildrenColossians 3:20; Ephesians 6:1-3
God’s Instructions For The Family: The Christian ParentsGod’s Instructions For The Family: The Christian ParentsColossians 3:21; Ephesians 6:4
God’s Instructions For The Christian Employees And EmployersGod’s Instructions For The Christian Employees And EmployersColossians 3:23-4:1
The Believer And PrayersThe Believer And PrayersColossians 4:2
Human Wisdom Versus God’s WisdomHuman Wisdom Versus God’s WisdomColossians 2:8-10
