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Mutual Acceptance With Understanding (Romans 14:1-12)

I. Differences In Personal Convictions

II. Principles For Mutual Acceptance

Breakdown:

1. Introduction: The Problem of Separation

• The Question: Why do Christians, using the same Bible and believing in the same Saviour, disagree so much?
• The Nuance: Not all separation is bad.
• Needful Separation: When fundamental doctrines are attacked, or due to sin and worldliness (Ephesians 5:27).
• Wrongful Separation: Over trivial matters, personal preferences, traditions, and non-essentials (things neither commanded nor forbidden in Scripture).
• The Result: Imposing personal convictions causes divisions, confusion, and unhappiness.

2. Context of Romans 14

• The Setting: The church (specifically a migrant church like "Battle") has believers from diverse backgrounds (legalistic, conservative, charismatic, former pagans, etc.).
• The Danger: Bringing "baggage" from the past and expecting others to accept personal traditions.
• Two Important Caveats for Romans 14:
1. Cannot be used to compromise essential doctrines (e.g., salvation by faith alone).
2. Cannot be used to justify sin (e.g., drinking, smoking, gambling).

3. Point One: Differences in Personal Convictions

• Example A: Food (Meat vs. Vegetables) — Verses 1-3
• Weak Believers: Jews bound by Mosaic dietary laws; Gentiles afraid of meat offered to idols. They eat only vegetables.
• Strong Believers: Mature Jews/Gentiles who understand their freedom in Christ. They eat all things.
• The Root of Disunity:
• Strong despises weak (sees them as too restricted).
• Weak judges strong (sees them as liberal/undisciplined).
• Example B: Holy Days — Verse 5
• Some observe special days (Jewish festivals).
• Some esteem every day alike (Gentiles avoiding pagan ties).
• The Principle: Let every man be fully persuaded in his own mind. The issue is the intent of the heart toward God, not the day itself (Verse 6).
• The Role of Conscience:
• It is wrong to go against your conscience or force others to violate theirs.
• Reference: Acts 23:1 (Paul’s good conscience).
• Modern Applications:
• Celebrations (Easter, Christmas, Reformation Sunday).
• Lifestyle choices (TV, computers, cosmetics, homeschooling, public vs. Christian schools).
• Case Studies:
• A preacher imposing homeschooling convictions.
• Youth leaders fighting over hair length and skirt length.
• Judging others for quiet time length or evangelism frequency.
• The Root Cause: Lack of love, understanding, and empathy.

4. Point Two: Principles for Mutual Acceptance

Why should we accept one another (whether strong or weak)?

• Reason 1: God has received the believer (Verse 3)
• Christ died for them. If God accepts them, we cannot reject them without sinful arrogance.
• Reason 2: God sustains the believer (Verse 4)
• "Who art thou that judgest another man's servant?" The master (God) determines if they stand or fall. God is able to make them stand.
• Reason 3: God alone is sovereign (Verses 7-9)
• Whether we live or die, we are the Lord's. Christ is Lord of both the living and the dead.
• Being "strong" does not equal spiritual; being "weak" does not equal worldly.
• Illustration: James Strong (author of Strong's Concordance) was despised by ministers who thought he was useless because he stayed in the library, yet his work serves millions.
• Reason 4: God is the ultimate Judge (Verses 10-12)
• We will all stand before the judgment seat (Bema) of Christ.
• We should worry about our own works (will they survive the fire?) rather than judging another believer.

5. Conclusion & Application

• The Metaphor of a Family: Parents accept children of different ages (18, 12, 6). The church must do the same.
• The Motto (Rupert Meldenius):
• In things essential: Unity.
• In things non-essential: Liberty.
• In all things: Charity (love).
• Final Goal: Mutual acceptance with understanding, resulting in unity, harmony, and a church that pleases Almighty God.

6. Closing Prayer

• Confession of sin regarding trivial divisions.
• Petition for unity in essentials, liberty in non-essentials, and charity in all things.
• Prayer for "Better Be B Church" to be such a church for God's glory.

Sermon Context

This sermon, titled "Mutual Acceptance with Understanding," is an exposition of Romans 14:1-12 delivered to a local church (referred to as "Battle," a migrant church with diverse cultural backgrounds). The preacher addresses a universal and painful reality within Christianity: disunity among believers.

While acknowledging that biblical separation from sin, worldliness, and false doctrine is necessary, the preacher focuses on the destructive habit of separating over non-essential matters—things neither commanded nor forbidden in Scripture. These include personal preferences regarding food, holy days, clothing, entertainment, homeschooling, and spiritual disciplines.

Using the Apostle Paul’s distinction between "strong" and "weak" believers, the sermon diagnoses the root causes of division (despising vs. judging) and provides four theological reasons why believers must accept one another: God has received them, God sustains them, God alone is sovereign, and God is the ultimate Judge. The sermon concludes with the classic motto attributed to Rupert Meldenius: "In things essential, unity; in things non-essential, liberty; in all things, charity."

Hook

"You’ve seen it happen. A church splits over a boy’s haircut. A pastor resigns over homeschooling. Friends stop speaking because one celebrates Christmas and the other doesn’t. We know we should love each other, but somehow we’ve become experts at drawing lines in the sand over things the Bible never even mentions.

So what’s the solution? Ignore our convictions? Pretend differences don’t matter? No. There’s a better way—a biblical way to disagree without destroying each other.

In this sermon from Romans 14, you’ll discover why God is far more concerned with how you treat your brother or sister than with whether they eat meat or vegetables. You’ll learn the difference between fighting for the faith and fighting over personal preferences. And you might just be surprised to find out who wrote the concordance sitting on your shelf—and why the preachers who mocked him were dead wrong.

If you’ve ever been hurt by division in the church, or if you’ve ever wondered why Christians can’t just get along, this message is for you. Read on—and prepare to have your perspective on 'unity' turned upside down."

Transcript:

Often times, people would ask, "Why do Christians use the same Bible, believe in the same Saviour for salvation, and yet disagree over so many things?" Why do Christians follow the same teachings and principles, and yet things are done in so many different ways? Why are there so many denominations? When we receive such questions, almost immediately the thought of separation comes into our minds. But not all separations are bad. Some separations are needful, for example, biblical separation. When the fundamental doctrines of the Bible are being attacked, we need to separate. It is also needful for us to separate because of sin and worldliness. Sin destroys the purity of the church. It will destroy the testimonies of the believers. We are commanded to eradicate sin in the church. As Ephesians 5:27 said, "That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish." All these are needful separations, but sadly, too often Christians separate over trivial matters. Things that are not sinful in and of themselves, or differences over matters that are neither commanded nor forbidden in the Scriptures. They are matters of personal preferences and traditions. And when you try to impose your personal convictions on others, it will inevitably cause divisions, confusions, and also unhappiness.

Tonight, we want to consider these kinds of conflicts between strong and weak believers. In the church of Jesus Christ, there will always be mature believers. There will also be young believers, too. So, the title of our message is "Mutual Acceptance with Understanding." And the text is taken from Romans chapter 14:1-12.

The church is made up of believers with many differences. Differences in age, education, maturity, personalities, and cultural backgrounds. Especially a church like Battle, which is a migrant church. We come from different backgrounds. Some of us come from very strict legalistic churches. Others come from conservative churches, yet others come from charismatic churches. Perhaps some of us may have been Roman Catholics, ancestor worshippers, atheists, humanists, whatever. But today, we come together united as one in the Lord Jesus Christ. Coming from diverse backgrounds can be both a positive as well as a negative thing. On one hand, such diversities can strengthen the local church. Why? Because we can testify to the world around us that despite our differences and diversities, it is the power of Jesus Christ that can bind us together in unity and harmony. But on the other hand, there's also this danger of bringing our baggage from the past into the church. And we expect others to accept our personal preferences and traditions. And then we create divisions, even hatred and animosities amongst the believers. May the Lord forgive us.

There are two important things we need to take note about Romans chapter 14. Firstly, it must never be used to compromise the essential doctrines of the Bible. For example, we cannot use this passage to justify that a person can believe in salvation by faith and salvation by works depending on the individual's personal opinions. Salvation is by faith and faith alone, and it is by the grace of God. It is not up for debate. Secondly, this passage cannot be used to justify all kinds of sins like drinking, smoking, and gambling. It cannot be used as a license for immorality. This passage is about non-essential matters that are neither commanded nor forbidden in the Scriptures.

There are two points in our message. Firstly, differences in personal convictions. The Apostle Paul cited two examples in differences in personal convictions. The first one had to do with meat versus vegetables. The second one had to do with the observation of holy days. Look at verses 1 to 3: "Him that is weak in the faith receive ye, but not to doubtful disputations. For one believeth that he may eat all things: another, who is weak, eateth herbs. Let not him that eateth despise him that eateth not; and let not him which eateth not judge him that eateth: for God hath received him."

The phrase "weak in the faith" does not mean they were unsaved. They were believers. It was a reference to their understanding of the whole truth. They might not have come to the full spiritual understanding of the Holy Scriptures. We are called to receive them and not for the purpose of debating or passing judgments on their opinions. The word "herbs" refers to vegetables. You see, in the early church, many Jews had come to believe in Jesus Christ as their Lord and Saviour. But they could not bring themselves to abandon the ceremonial laws and practices in which they had been so strongly influenced since early childhood. They felt compelled to observe the Mosaic dietary laws. On the other hand, many converted Gentiles had previously been strongly influenced in pagan rituals of the false gods. And they despised things that had any connotations with such evils. So much so that these Gentiles could not bring themselves to eat the meat bought in the marketplace for fear that those meats might have previously been offered to pagan idols and then resold in the marketplaces. So they did not want to take the chance of eating meat that would defile themselves. So they would rather just eat vegetables.

But there were other believers, the mature ones, both Jews and Gentiles, who understood and exercised their freedom in Jesus Christ. Many mature Jewish believers realised that under the New Covenant in Christ, the ceremonial requirements of the Mosaic laws were no longer valid. Many mature Gentile believers also believed that idols were nothing and had no effect on anything physical like meat. So those who were weak in the faith were believers who did not fully understand their freedom in Jesus Christ.

Dear friend, those who are strong are often faced with the temptation to push their freedom in Christ to the limits to see how far they can go without committing a sin. Those who are weak are afraid of committing the slightest offences and they surround themselves with self-imposed restrictions. The strong believer is tempted to look upon his weak brother as being too restricted to be of any use to the Lord. The weak believer is tempted to think of his strong brother as being too liberal, free-minded, and undisciplined to serve Christ effectively. And so, this is the root of disunity.

The Apostle Paul exhorted the strong believer not to despise those who eat only vegetables. The word "despise" carries the idea of looking down on someone as totally worthless, as being nothing, or less than anything. Likewise, the weak believer should not judge those who eat all things. The word "judge" is in a legal sense, like finding an accused person guilty of a crime. So they look at the strong believer as being guilty of committing a sin. Whether you are the one who despises or you are the one who judges, both are wrong.

The Apostle Paul then gave a second example, and that was in the observation of holy days. And this is found in verse 5: "One esteemeth one day above another: another esteemeth every day alike. Let every man be fully persuaded in his own mind." Here Paul was not talking about the requirement to observe the Sabbath day. We must observe the Christian Sabbath because the Sabbath is part of God's eternal moral law that can never be abrogated. If you read the books of Leviticus and Numbers, the Jews were required to keep many festivals and feast days. Some of the Jewish believers wanted to remain strongly attached to those special days and felt compelled to observe them. And they believed very strongly that those days were given by the Almighty God as special, which is not essentially wrong. But there were Gentile believers who wanted to separate themselves as far as possible from the special days of their former paganism and idol-worshipping activities, which is also the right thing to do. So here Paul was saying that each Jewish believer has the right to observe those days as special. They have the right as unto the Lord. Whereas in the case of the Gentile believer, he also has the equal right not to do so because he feels that every day is alike. Every day is special as unto the Lord. Let every man be fully persuaded in his own mind about observing or not observing those holy days. The word "mind" obviously includes the heart and conscience. Our deepest convictions and motives. So before God, it is not a matter of observing or not observing, but of the intent of our hearts toward God who seeth into the innermost of our hearts.

That is why Paul said in verse 6: "He that regardeth the day, regardeth it unto the Lord; and he that regardeth not the day, to the Lord he doth not regard it. He that eateth, eateth to the Lord, for he giveth God thanks; and he that eateth not, to the Lord he eateth not, and giveth God thanks."

The late John MacArthur explained it very well. In matters that are not particularly commanded nor forbidden in the Scriptures, it is always wrong to go against the conscience because our conscience represents what we actually believe to be right and what is wrong. To go against our conscience therefore is to do that which we believe is wrong. Although that particular act or practice in itself may not be sinful, it is treated as sinful for those who are convinced in their minds, persuaded in their hearts, their conscience that it is wrong. And then what happens? It produces guilt. That is why it is sinful when you and I try to impose our personal convictions on others because in doing so, we are tempting them to go against their own conscience. We should not compromise our own conscience in order to conform to the conscience of another believer. Neither should we attempt to lead another believer to conform his conscience to ours.

In Acts chapter 23 verse 1, Paul stood before the Sanhedrin council and he said this very boldly: "Men and brethren, I have lived in all good conscience before God until this day." In other words, he was confessing that he was not guilty of compromising his own conscience. And he was also not guilty of having caused other believers to compromise their conscience. What about you, dear friend? Can you say that of yourself? In non-essential matters, things neither commanded nor forbidden in the Scriptures, have you ever tried to impose your personal convictions on others and cause them to compromise their conscience?

Most of us have no issues with eating meat and vegetables. We have no problems with the observation of holy days. So how can this passage be applied to our lives? Well, we may have our own challenges with other non-essential matters. There are many modern applications of such personal convictions that you and I may have. And we should not be divided over such non-essential matters. For example, like the celebration of Easter, Christmas, or Reformation Sundays. I know of many Christians who feel that every day ought to be Christmas. Every day ought to be a reminder of the Reformation. But for our church, we have special days whereby we set aside to remember such occasions. Some would argue until the cows come home about whether a family should have a television or a computer, or whether women should use cosmetics, or the different ways of honouring the Sabbath day, or whether we should homeschool our children or send them to public or Christian schools, etc.

Some years ago a preacher friend of mine was invited to pastor a particular church. This preacher had a strong conviction about homeschooling and that parents should train their own children. It was like his pet topic. So much so that he was quite imposing. On the other hand, the leaders of the church did not share the same conviction. They were more evangelistic in their approach. They believed that we are in the world, but we are not of the world. We should not isolate our children from the world, but rather let our children be the salt and the light of the world as a good witness to the world that needs the gospel of Jesus Christ. Somehow there were strong disagreements when the preacher tried to impose his own personal convictions which others did not share. Subsequently, he left the church.

In another church, there were some youth leaders who fought with one another and they almost split the church. And the reason was because they debated over the length of a boy's hair. How long is long? And how short should a girl's skirt be? How short is short? And how much fashion can a person indulge in before he or she is considered worldly? You and I become legalistic when we fail to understand the spiritual principles behind all these teachings.

There are yet others who will go around and ask, "Do you have your quiet time in the morning? How long do you pray? Half an hour or one hour? Are you reading good Christian books? How often do you evangelise? Once a month? That's not good enough. Once a week? Still not good enough. Once a day? Perhaps that will do." Don't get me wrong. Prayers, doing our quiet time, reading good Christian books, and especially the Bible, and being evangelistic, they are all important. The problem is when we start to judge other Christians by whether they measure up to our own standards. That is the problem. As if we alone have reached that spiritual standard. Sadly, the root cause of all these problems is because of the lack of love, understanding, and empathy. We do not sit down and empathise with those struggling believers, especially the young ones. The strong will despise the weak. The weak will judge the strong. And what happens? The church is divided.

Now, we come to our second point. Principles for mutual acceptance. Why should we accept one another? Let us consider the four reasons given in this passage why we should accept the believers, whether they are strong or whether they are weak.

Firstly, God has received the believer. Verse 3 tells us, "God hath received him." Our Lord Jesus died for such a one. He shed His precious blood for such a one. So, whether he is strong or weak in the faith, he is a child of God. If God Himself does not make an issue of such things, who are we to judge? If God has accepted the strong or weak believer, who are we not to accept him? If the strong and weak believers are equally accepted by God and have equal fellowship with the Almighty God, then it would be sinful arrogance on our part if you and I do not accept one another because God has received him.

Secondly, God is the one who sustains the believer. Verse 4 says, "Who art thou that judgest another man's servant? to his own master he standeth or falleth. Yea, he shall be holden up: for God is able to make him stand." To put this question in our modern-day business world, will you walk into another man's company to review the performance of his employee? What right have you to do that? The believer may be strong or he may be weak, he belongs to the Lord. The Lord is his master. The Lord is the one who sustains him. The word "standeth" means to be in good standing, confidently doing what he should be doing, and receiving approval as a reward. And the word "falleth" is the opposite. In other words, whether or not the person is approved or disapproved, ultimately only the master has the right. When it comes to non-essential matters, God has the right to evaluate and judge the deeds of every believer. If He is not pleased with the behaviour of a particular believer, most certainly He will address the issue. The Holy Spirit will convict his heart and through the Holy Scriptures turn him to the right path. But if God is patient with him and sustains him and allows him to grow gradually, only the Master Himself is able to do so. For the Bible tells us, God is the one who sustains the believer.

Thirdly, only God alone is sovereign. Verses 7 to 9 said, "For none of us liveth to himself, and no man dieth to himself. For whether we live, we live unto the Lord; and whether we die, we die unto the Lord: whether we live therefore or die, we are the Lord's. For to this end Christ both died, and rose, and revived, that He might be Lord both of the dead and living." Notice it was repeated, "unto the Lord, unto the Lord." Double emphasis. It tells us how important it is. Whether we live or we die, we are the Lord's. Every believer belongs to the Lord. It is Jesus Christ who died and rose from the dead. And He alone is the Lord of both the living and the dead. He is sovereign in every one of our lives. So, the point is that we have to be in a right relationship with our Lord. Serve Him in everything. He is sovereign. If we are alive, He is the one who gives us the breath. If He wants us to go home to be with Him, He will take us to be with Him. Everything we do is related to God in one way or another. Whether strong or weak, a sincere believer feels free or not free to do certain things, not out of his own motivations, but to please his Lord. It is always unto the Lord. Neither one is more or less spiritual because of his own personal convictions about practising non-essential things. So, please do not think that just because you are wearing your skirt three inches longer than the other sister, you are more spiritual. Or you are always wearing a coat with a tie, you are more spiritual than the rest. Being strong in this sense is not equivalent to being spiritual. Likewise, being weak is not equivalent to being worldly. That is the problem with many Christians in the church. Just because of certain persuasions, certain personal convictions, and traditions that they have been following all these years, they think that they are more spiritual and others are more carnal.

Donald Barnhouse, the theologian, once shared this experience during lunch with a group of ministers, where they spoke very discouragingly about a minister from another denomination. They were all talking down on this minister, despising this minister. Barnhouse then entered the conversation by sharing about his experience with this particular minister whom he had known personally. This minister had gone through Bible Seminary. He had been ordained. But he seldom preached. And he was not very active in the church activities. He was always spending time in the library. So much so that others felt his behaviour was un-Christian. He lived this way for more than twenty years. All the ministers concluded that such a man was of no use to the ministry. And so they thought this man surely would not be used by God. Well, what happened was that Barnhouse asked all the ministers about the Bible resources they would use in their sermons when they prepared their sermons. And he asked them, "Which Bible concordance do you think is the best?" To which all of them said that it was Strong's Exhaustive Concordance. And then Barnhouse said, "Well, the man whom you had just despised and spoke so discouragingly about, he was the one who wrote Strong's Exhaustive Concordance. And his name was James Strong." The point I am trying to make is that we have to be very careful not to judge, not criticise some people just because their services may not be as public as others. Some believers work behind the scenes. Others like preachers, their ministry will be public. God made us so differently. So we have to acknowledge that. And so we all must understand that ultimately only God alone has the right to judge.

That was the reason why he said in verses 10 to 12: "But why dost thou judge thy brother? or why dost thou set at nought thy brother? for we shall all stand before the judgment seat of Christ. For it is written, As I live, saith the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess to God. So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God." The day will come as believers we will all have to stand before the Bema seat of Jesus Christ where we will receive our rewards for the things we had done. If we have done well, we will be rewarded accordingly. What you and I should worry about is not how God is going to judge the works of the other believer. We should be concerned about how He is going to judge us when standing alongside all the other believers at the Bema seat of Jesus Christ. Will our works stand the test of fire? All our Lord Jesus needs to do is just to take a glance and some of the works we have done may just go up like a puff of smoke. We ought to be aware of that. God is the one who will judge ultimately.

So dear friends, in the church of our Lord Jesus Christ, there will be believers who are very concerned about the lives of others. And in their eagerness to help others, they want those believers to grow like mature believers overnight. That will never happen. Those of us who have children, several children, perhaps the oldest one is eighteen years old, the second one is twelve, and the third one is six years old. Suddenly we know that they have differences in their intellectual understanding, in their spiritual knowledge, in the way they relate and converse with others. We are able to accept each and every one of our children as different, special. How is it that we do not do that in the church of Jesus Christ? God has created every individual so uniquely. They are all special. He knows the strong and the weak. He is the one who has caused the one to be strong. And He is also the one who is patient with the one who is weak. The only way we can have this mutual acceptance of one another in the church of Jesus Christ is to have this love and understanding of one another. We are all special individuals created in the image of God. We are all called by God to be His children. And God has received the believer. Who are we to reject him? God is the one who sustains the believer, not you and I. God alone is sovereign. He is the Master. And He is the ultimate Judge of everything we do. If we understand all these truths in our lives, if we were to apply all these truths into our lives as a church, as a body of believers, we will have this mutual acceptance of one another with understanding. There may be differences in personal convictions, in things non-essentials, we are willing to accept. And then we understand the principles for this mutual acceptance: that God Himself has received that believer, that God is the one who sustains the believer, that God alone is sovereign, and that God is the ultimate Judge.

If I can conclude with this particular quote, there was a Lutheran theologian named Rupert Meldenius. He once said, "If there is one motto that the church ought to have, that the believers be united and live in harmony, then it is this: In things essential, we have unity. In things non-essential, we have liberty. And in all things, we have charity." If you and I were to put into practice this particular motto into the life of our church, then we will have this mutual acceptance of one another with understanding. There will be unity and harmony. There will be love and understanding and empathy. And the church will be one that the Almighty God will be pleased. May Better Be B Church be such a church to the glory of our Almighty God.

Let us pray.

Our Father in heaven, we come before Thee and as we have learned about the believers in the church, so often there are separations, divisions, and disunity. But we know that not all separations are bad. For we ought to exercise biblical separation. We ought to separate ourselves from sin and worldliness and apostasy. But the sad reality is that more often than not, people separate themselves from one another over trivial matters, things that are not sinful in and of themselves, differences over personal preferences and traditions and opinions that they have brought into the church. And thus, inevitably, it will lead to confusion, division, and disunity, even hatred and animosities. O Lord, we pray that as we learn all these biblical lessons, we will put them into practice. In things essential, in the doctrines of the Holy Scriptures, we have unity. We are united as one. In things non-essential, we have liberty. We are willing to accept one another in our shortfalls, in our weaknesses, whether we be strong or weak. But in all things, we must have charity. We must have love. For without love, then the church will be empty and meaningless. So may Better Be B Church be such a church to the glory of Thy precious name. We give Thee thanks and we pray all this in Jesus' name. Amen.